Open Letter to the "Security" Inspector at the San Francisco International Airport

Dear Sir or Madam,

I was on United flight 770 from Auckland. That was January 20, 2008 at exactly 12:14PM. I am sure you don't remember my luggage, but...

While I can appreciate you had to inspect my suitcases for "the protection of myself and my fellow passengers," was it necessary for you to help yourself to my 2005 Jewelstone Chardonnay, through the course of your duties, as well?

Why the Jewelstone? I was looking forward to drinking this New Zealand 2005 Mission Estate "Wine of the Month."

Perhaps you thought I wouldn't miss it? Ah, but I am a wine lover; I both count and list the wines I import. Before packing them. Trust me. I missed it.

I know for a fact wine is NOT defined as "hazardous materials," and I had taken great pains to pack my bottles properly, in consideration of the glass, and subsequent handling of my luggage. So, why was this bottle removed?

Perhaps you are a wine lover, too? Is that why you lifted one of my most expensive selections? I would prefer that thought -- the idea that you may have squirreled this wine away, taken it home, and enjoyed it over a meal of roast chicken and portabella mushrooms. That's a far better visual image than one where you popped my chardonnay open in some back alley, swigging it down, with spittle dripping from your chin. Refining the moment with a resounding belch.

I trust you enjoyed my wine; I wish you would drop me a line and give me your impressions of the taste. How was it on the nose, the aftertaste, and the initial first taste? I do hope you chilled the bottle properly first; it would have been a shame to drink it at room temperature.

Oh by the way, although I don't hold out much hope, I will be reporting this to Covenant Aviation Security management. I sincerely hope, when you are questioned, my wine doesn't turn sour in your stomach.

It would be a terrible waste of such a fine vintage.

I have your number. Thanks.

Cheers,
Sheree